 Mason Moments

In an another universe there’s a mosquito taking a pic of you asleep …..

and has just captioned it as "Dinner is served" on social media.

I’ve done some terrible things for money.

Like getting up early to go to work.

If I could time travel.

I’d go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.

It’s now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe it’s time I go there personally and find out what’s wrong.

Saying to myself: ”Don’t be awkward today…”
A stranger: ”Hello”.
Me: ”Fine, thanks”.
Fuck it.

Introverts are NPCs, we don’t talk to you unless you talk to us first.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.

There’s a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.

I failed my driving test 1st time round. I was driving down a country lane with the examiner when a rabbit ran out right in front of the car. I remembered my instructor said you should never swerve or try and avoid an animal it’s dangerous and you can end up causing a more serious accident. You should always just hit it and keep on driving. Had to chase that cunt for miles across the fields before I got the fucker.

Love is blind, so don’t be silent when you find it.

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words “COMPLETE and FINISHED”. Some people say there’s no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED, but there is: When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE! When you marry the wrong woman you are FINISHED! ….And when your wife catches you with another woman, you are …COMPLETELY FINISHED! And if you marry a wife who likes shopping so much, you are FINISHED COMPLETELY!

Do not ask your boyfriend long or short – when you are dating bisexuals
To say what the problem can be crazy your man, that is, girlfriend’s hair long or short. (Apply to all couples)
Girl: dear, I want to cut a bob.
Men: wonderful, it looks like I will get another girl
Girl: But I feel reluctant to my long hair
Men: OK, don’t cut it
Girl: but now, a bob is so popular
Men: baby, cut it!
Girl: but I think I am more suitable for long hair
Men: oh, if that, I think you can keep your long hair
Girl: But my friend said, I am more suitable for a short hair
Men: ….cut
Girl: But cut a short hair, I need to often go to the barber shop to prune
Men: …..don’t….cut
Girl: but I think I can try a bob
Men: go away!! I do not want to talk to you

I came home from work early to find my wife without any clothes on.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Erm… I thought we could have a bit of fun,” she replied. “Let’s play naked hide and seek.”
“You’re on!” I said, stripping as I ran upstairs. “I’ll hide first!”
I went into our bedroom and opened the wardrobe door. My mate Dave was sat there in the nude.
“I’m really sorry, mate,” he said.
“Don’t worry,” I giggled. “I’ll hide under the bed!”

I was taking the piss out of a fat girl today when she broke down in tears. “I’d do anything to be thin!” she cried. Apparently anything but eat less and exercise.

The Gaza truce is like the female orgasm.
We all know it’s fake but it still makes us feel good about ourselves.